Q & A for Wedding
Guests
by: John & Benz Rana
article originally appeared in print: 12.03.05
(my opinion in blue)
Q. I got an invite
but have no plans of attending; should I still send a gift?
A. First thing's first. If you won't be able to attend for
whatever reason, please RSVP. A big chunk of the wedding budget goes to the
reception and it will be utterly inconsiderate to just give up a reserved seat
without letting the couple know. Give them the chance to assign that seat to
another guest in their "waitlist." Having that out of the way, let's
get to your question: YES, it is customary to still send a gift.
MO: If you're not attending, I won't expect a gift from you. But please, for the love of God, inform me 3 weeks before if you can make it or not. Unless of course you're an inconsiderate *$$
Q. The envelope bears
only my name. May I ask if I can bring a date?
A. Don't bring a date unless your invitation specifically
says "and Guest." Bringing unexpected guests is very impolite. Neither
should you ask the couple's permission if you may bring one or not. Don't put
your friends on the spot. We Filipinos don't really like turning down people.
So how would you know if their "Yes" means yes or not? Spare them
that trouble.
MO: I have nothing to add. This is 100% accurate.
Q. The invite says
"Mr. & Mrs." Could we bring our kids?
A. Never bring the kids unless "& Family" is
indicated. Soon-to-weds don't usually invite children for a good reason. Kids
get bored or cranky during hour-long masses. Their tantrums might disrupt the
solemnity of the ceremony. Weddings are usually formal events typically not
appropriate for the little ones. To be blunt about it, inviting a child at the
reception means added two mouths to feed - the kid's and the yaya's.
MO: I am very specific when it comes to the people that I am inviting. There are kids who I want to be there. I will indicate and inform the family that their kids/yaya are included in my guest list
Q. I don't have a
clue what gift to give them. Any ideas?
A. The average Pinoy soon-to-wed would always prefer
monetary gifts more than any other gift. It is the unspoken fact. We're telling
you now to make it easier for them to let you know what they REALLY want;
unless they indicated that already in their invites.
If you're not comfortable giving cash, you may ask the
couple where they are registered (Gift / Bridal Registry) and choose from
what's listed under their names in the store. You can also ask them where
they're residing after the wedding and take the cue from there. If you know
that they'll be migrating abroad or living with their parents for the time
being, a ref or another oven toaster may not be the most practical and logical
gift, unless they indicated that already in their invites which, by the way, is a very tacky thing to do.
MO: I think that note that says in lieu of gift we prefer and enveloped one blah blah might sound tacky but there's no other way to do it. For me, I guess there should be two types of invitation; (1) in lieu of gifts invitation for the principal sponsors and the older guests; (2) bridal registry invitation for friends. There are times that people can't read between the lines, being subtle doesn't help in voicing out what you really want and need.
Q. I'm convinced. So
how much cash should I give them? I don't want to give too little or too much.
A. That's a hard thing to answer. It's really a case-to-case
thing. Try to put yourself in the couple's shoes. How much should a guest of
your stature give you without being branded a cheapskate? Also consider your
relationship with the couple. If you're good friends of the couple's parents,
you'll probably shell-out more than if you were simply the bride's Girl Friday.
MO: Things to consider when giving cash gift: (1) your stature; (2) the amount and effort exerted by the couple for the wedding; and (3) your relationship to the couple
Q. Could I skip the
ceremony and head straight to the reception?
A. You can. BUT you shouldn't! You are invited to THE
wedding -- that's the part where they exchange their "I dos." The
reception is where the Receiving Line is. You can't be 'received' if you are
already seated in the hall, right? "Patay-gutom" is too harsh a word
and we assure you that it's by no means what anyone would think if indeed you
decide to go straight to the reception. But admit that it struck a nerve just
mentioning the word in that context, isn't it?
MO: I actually don't mind if you don't go to the church as long you're not part of the entourage, principal and secondary sponsors, readings, parents of the flower girls and bearers. If you're a close relative, it would be nice if you'll be there. Of course I expect my immediate family to be there.
Q. Speaking of the
Receiving Line, what should be the proper greeting?
A. Here's the rule: Say "Congratulations" to the
groom and "Best Wishes" to the bride. The reason behind is that
"congrats" implies that someone has caught something or won a prize,
and it is rather improper to imply that the bride "caught" the man
who married her. If this rule gets mixed-up in your head come wedding day, just
say the two phrases together and look at both of them. That usually works!
Likewise, saying "Good Luck!" no matter how pure
your wishes are will also sound very inappropriate for obvious reasons.
MO: I am not very particular about this.
Q. But what if the
couple makes a Grand Entrance and left the Receiving Line to their parents?
What then should I tell them? Note that I don't even know which sets of parents
are whose.
A. That's another reason not to skip the ceremony? The bride
and groom usually walk alongside their respective parents at the very start!
Anyway, make your pleasantries short and sweet. Shake their
hands and say "Hello! I'm (your name) and I went to school with (name of bride/groom)
in (school's name)/an officemate of (name of bride/groom) at (name of
company)." They usually respond with "Nice meeting you." Just
smile, nod politely, and move on to the next person. If one replies "Hi!
I've heard so much about you!", simply smile and nod just the same. No
lengthy conversation; just make small talk at most. If you can't find the words
to say, just smile again, nod politely, and move.
MO: :|
Q. During the
banquet, is there anything I need to know?
A. Nowadays, the Reception Program usually have the guests
on each table stand up and have their picture taken with the couple before
being led to the buffet. This is done to resolve two issues of past weddings:
(a) for the couple's convenience and skip the tiring Table-Hopping ritual just
to have their picture taken with all their guests; and (b) for the guests'
convenience so they won't have to wait very long for their turn in the buffet
line.
Keep in mind that Buffet is NOT synonymous with
"Eat-All-You-Can." Do not pile your plate full. Be courteous of those
who have yet to be served. Don't worry. You can easily go for seconds.
MO: Please guests, cooperate.
