The disparity between reality and dreams

Paulo, Allan, and I decided that we will have a productive hang-out because we have deadlines to meet this week. Allan brought up about dreams, and all of a sudden I can’t do my work even though it was easy. All I can think of is what I wanted to do ever since I was a kid. At 24, I feel like I am trapped in a career that is very promising, except my heart does not belong to it. Last night ended with the three of us thinking what we really want to do, and who we want to become. I wanted to make a change. I am sure of that.

Let me share you a story that could be boring or interesting. You tell me.

One day, this will not stop us from trying to see it from their end. Photo courtesy of http://www.graceirondoor.com/wrought_iron_driveway_gates.asp

When I was a kid, I lived in a mansion-ish type of house near the beach. My grandmother was one of the richest people in the area. We had to live there because of the businesses she and my grandfather owned. I was the eldest grandchild, thus becoming the favourite of my grandparents. I spent my younger years with them and I grew up getting everything I wanted. They enrolled me in a private school when I was in kindergarten where every child had a yaya with them. I also had one.

Once school is done, I will be home around 4pm.Whenever my grandma decides to have a walk in the beach in the afternoon, she’ll bring me with her; there I will have a chance to play with the other kids. Although my grandparents were well-off, they were fine with me being friends with them. At a young age, I knew that my life was better and more comfortable than theirs. The difference between my house and their house says a lot.

I don’t get to see the children of the fishermen every day. Our big gate usually separates us from hanging out, we will talk while we’re on the different side of the gates and to thank them for dropping by, I will slip chocolates under the gate. Back then, I knew that there was a big difference. I didn’t know what disparity meant when I was 6, but I knew what I felt was there was one. I knew back then that I wanted to lessen that disparity. The gate served as a metaphor.

Now that I am 24, I work in Business Development. I report directly to the executives (i.e SVP’s and VP’s), sounds pretty awesome if you ask other people. I do not feel pathetic or sad career wise. Business Development is a compromise that I will not regret. Although I know that deep down, I would rather do something else. My heart belongs to development, not of business but of the society.

It sounds like a motivational speech if I give stories about how others have less but make the most out of it. I’ve known people who passed the UPCAT but can’t afford to go to UP because their family lives on a Php280 budget a day.

Some people will tell me that I am lucky and I should feel blessed, I shouldn’t be asking for more. I do feel lucky and blessed, that is why I want to be in an organization that focuses on the development of this country. I dream that one day, there will be no gate that would separate us. It’s just that right now, I am in a reality that my decisions are based on practicality.

It’s never too late.

Are you crazy, bipolar, normal? Define normal

How many personalities do you have?

When someone goes crazy, shifts from one mood to another, or acts different when with other group of friends or whatever, we make a joke about them being bipolar or having multiple personalities. That actually baffles me out because if that is the case, then all of us should go to a therapist.

Have you ever watched Ghost Fighter? Remember Sensui, the guy with a Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD)? The thing with him is that he has 7 personalities and each of them deals with different things, like Kazuya is the one who murders people and Naru is his female personality who is sensitive etc. Different personalities for different situations.

This guy was just crazy. We hated, sympathized, and cheered for this guy. Who's crazy now? 

In real life, I think it’s quite unfair to call someone bipolar because he was fun yesterday but not today. Admit it, you have at least three set of friends and you’re somehow different when you meet with each group. You’re a different person when you’re with your partner; you’re different when with family. You just can’t be the same person in all the groups that you belong in.

So does that make us crazy? NO! It makes us human and logical. We understand that there are certain protocols that need to be followed when we’re in a different circle. Circle that we also belong in.

Also in a world where we live in right now, how can you not be crazy? 

Food, Compromise, and Understanding

After the fight that we had the other night, we decided to meet up last night and have dinner. We were calm, just like how mature people should. If there is one thing that will bring us back together in to the lovey-dovey couple that we are, it's FOOD :) 

Food is like a bridge to us whenever we have fights, it brings us back together and it brings joy to us. We enjoy eating, and when we both appreciate something during the time that we have to talk about our disagreements, food will always be there to help us calm down. 

We had dinner at Cafe Breton, their main course is ok. Price is reasonable and serving is generous, but food is not something that you'll actually crave for. But their crepes! OMG their crepes are cheap and good. 

Paulo said it was ok, but Lusso's was better (duh! Lusso has the best burger in this country)

                                                         

This is what I ordered. Hesaid liked this more than the Burger.

                                                                                 

Nutella Crepe with Mangoes and Vanilla ice cream (this is just heaven on earth)

                                                                         

After dinner, we talked a bit about our problems and after a few weird/funny office stories, we were holding hands again <3. He asked me if I can help him look for a bag, so he got the bill and then we walked around Podium and looked for a new office bag. We bought a messenger bag from Girbaud and it's on sale :) 

Anyway, it feels good to be back to the mushy, clingy, silly couple that we are. We have to mature in some aspects, like with our careers and how we handle our finances. But I still want us to be the food loving, childish, silly, spontaneous couple that we are. It feels good that we've already talked about this. 

Till next post :) 

The person that I love frustrates me the most

According to AskMen.com, when you’re in a long-term committed relationship, it’s easy to start taking things for granted and slipping into a routine that is comfortable and boring. I find this true and for a while, I never really had problems doing the same thing over and over again. Drinking every Friday with my boyfriend and spending every weekend in my apartment surfing the net felt so comfortable, I don’t have to dress up and put on make-up. It is more convenient that he doesn’t mind seeing what I wear on laundry day. It got boring, I realized that we did the same thing over and over again and I felt that we needed to spice things up. I tried bringing that up, he initiated to drink elsewhere on that Friday and go out and surf the net in a coffee shop on that Saturday. Different place, same routine.

We’ve been together for more than four years and a part of me had certain expectations given that we’ve been together for quite a while. I expect him to understand that me being quiet or pouting means that something is bothering me, what he did was bothering me. He gets annoyed that I am not vocal about it; I get annoyed that I have to spell out everything for him. I know for a fact that he wouldn’t want to eat in Banana Leaf so I never asked him to, I suggest places where he can enjoy his food and I’ll order something else. I still don’t understand why he can’t do the same for me. 

  photo courtesy of http://trashware.eu/read-between-the-lines-841                                                  

I know for a fact that there are things that I will do for him even if he doesn't ask for it. I know that I can make sacrifices without having to tell him. I know that whatever hobby he enjoys, I'll give it a shot. I can read between the lines. Is it wrong to expect the same thing? 

The person that I love frustrates me the most; he’s the reason why I am sane and insane. It's like he barely knows me even if we've been together for four years.  I don’t want to give up the relationship because I know that we love each other. Love is there, I won't deny the fact that he has a kind-heart and moral compass. I just think that there's more to that to make a relationship work.